if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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