Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Are we still banned from the library?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
