how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
