I can tuck mytits in my pants
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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