I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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