Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize