i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
