after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
