It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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