If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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