But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
