but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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