did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
