Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize