I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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