My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
