it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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