I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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