she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
