The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize