Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize