today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
