The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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