Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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