my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hippo gnu deer
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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