Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
