i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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