Sponge bath it is.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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