I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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