I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
