Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
