imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
