you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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