i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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