I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
