Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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