I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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