why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
