If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
