I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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