moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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