how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
