i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize