where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
