I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
