I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
