I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize