No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
