I want to have your abortion
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In other news, I just burned my penis
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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