Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
