I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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