I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
