oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
