someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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