It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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