ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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