did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
