I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
