im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
