I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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