billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
