No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
